Question by:
iverrson
Age:
38
Struggling with divorce
Good evening.
My wife gradually grew colder, stopped showing care, and intimacy disappeared. I noticed right away and asked about it, but her response was always that everything was fine and that I was just overthinking things.
Later, I accidentally saw a man liking all her Facebook photos and leaving what was clearly an un-friendly message to my wife. I took a screenshot of it and showed it to her, but instead of explaining who he was or why he was messaging a married woman, she accused me of going through her phone. Then she added that I wasn’t providing her with a decent lifestyle and demanded a divorce.
At first, I was in shock, but deep down, I knew something wasn’t right, so I was somewhat prepared for it. I was angry and told her about the divorce too. I found the man on Facebook, messaged him, and let him have it.
Now, after the weekend, I’m overwhelmed and trying to figure out why she started talking to him in the first place. It hits hard when I realize I could have handled certain situations differently. I don’t understand how to deal with this when I see that I missed my chance to prevent it, but now the consequences are here. I need advice.
We spent about two months living separately after a fight, and before that, things were fine—we met up, spent time together, and intimacy was regular. But then my wife changed completely. One day, she lied to me, saying she was at home when she wasn’t. When I asked where she was, she didn’t answer, and she was clearly nervous. It was obvious she was with another man.
After that, I moved back in with her, but she had already changed. Passwords on phones, evenings spent alone in the kitchen, and all my attempts to talk were useless. She’d say things like, "I don’t have anyone to bother you with," or similar.
It was only later that I saw that Facebook conversation.
Now, I’m torturing myself with thoughts that if I had moved back in sooner, she wouldn’t have started talking to that man or meeting him. I blame myself because I think loneliness and, most likely, a lack of money led to this.
I understand that relationships take two, but I’m overwhelmed and keep looking for reasons in myself. Maybe I didn’t provide enough, or maybe I should have given her more money instead of handling more chores around the house, cooking, and taking care of our child. I tried to show family comfort, but I don’t know how to get through this now.
I even have thoughts that I won’t find anyone better than her because she’s very beautiful and striking.
My wife gradually grew colder, stopped showing care, and intimacy disappeared. I noticed right away and asked about it, but her response was always that everything was fine and that I was just overthinking things.
Later, I accidentally saw a man liking all her Facebook photos and leaving what was clearly an un-friendly message to my wife. I took a screenshot of it and showed it to her, but instead of explaining who he was or why he was messaging a married woman, she accused me of going through her phone. Then she added that I wasn’t providing her with a decent lifestyle and demanded a divorce.
At first, I was in shock, but deep down, I knew something wasn’t right, so I was somewhat prepared for it. I was angry and told her about the divorce too. I found the man on Facebook, messaged him, and let him have it.
Now, after the weekend, I’m overwhelmed and trying to figure out why she started talking to him in the first place. It hits hard when I realize I could have handled certain situations differently. I don’t understand how to deal with this when I see that I missed my chance to prevent it, but now the consequences are here. I need advice.
We spent about two months living separately after a fight, and before that, things were fine—we met up, spent time together, and intimacy was regular. But then my wife changed completely. One day, she lied to me, saying she was at home when she wasn’t. When I asked where she was, she didn’t answer, and she was clearly nervous. It was obvious she was with another man.
After that, I moved back in with her, but she had already changed. Passwords on phones, evenings spent alone in the kitchen, and all my attempts to talk were useless. She’d say things like, "I don’t have anyone to bother you with," or similar.
It was only later that I saw that Facebook conversation.
Now, I’m torturing myself with thoughts that if I had moved back in sooner, she wouldn’t have started talking to that man or meeting him. I blame myself because I think loneliness and, most likely, a lack of money led to this.
I understand that relationships take two, but I’m overwhelmed and keep looking for reasons in myself. Maybe I didn’t provide enough, or maybe I should have given her more money instead of handling more chores around the house, cooking, and taking care of our child. I tried to show family comfort, but I don’t know how to get through this now.
I even have thoughts that I won’t find anyone better than her because she’s very beautiful and striking.
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